Advice for Parents

CBS news reporter Katie Couric gives her opinion and advice regarding cyber bullying. She quotes from Marcy Hertz from the Centres of Disease Control:

"First and foremost, dialogue: Ask kids where they're going when they're using the internet, just as you would if they were leaving the house. Visit sites so that you can discuss with children how they're spending their time online and where. The internet can be a powerful communications tool, but the most important tool is one as old as parenting itself: a good, honest talk with your kids".

I agree that parents and children should be able to communicate openly about their problems, that parents are making sure that they are creating an environment where their children feel comfortable about saying what is on their minds: their hopes, their fears, their dreams, their problems, their goals and asirations, their future. So when a problem such as cyber-bullying does happen to a child, he/she can feel that they can approach their parents and let them know what's wrong. However, rather than having your child even get to that stage, parents should consider discussing safe usage of internet and other media devices with their children BEFORE such an event occurs, just like they would discuss and warn their children of other dangers such as drugs, underage drinking, etc.

The "Internet Family Fun" website gives us some tips for parents on how to address this subject with their children:

"(Online) conversations now take place... over Instant Messengers and chat rooms. The only difference is the person that your child is talking to, is not Jimmy or Suzy from across the street, it could be anybody. In the online world there are predators searching for your child and your innocent child is no match against these deviants. Even if your child is street-wise and knows about these subjects they need to know that they can come to you if they get in trouble. It is time to talk to your kids. Quite frankly, open and honest conversation needs to start before your kids go online, but if they already are, there is no time like the present....

Not too many kids come running up to Mom or Dad when they get home from school anxiously announcing they got in trouble today. The same thing happens while they are online. One of the things that predators rely on is that kids won't come to you. Here are some of the reasons that they don't come to you.

* Kids fear that they will get in trouble.
* When it comes to a problem online, they are afraid they will lose computer privileges.
* They may have been doing something wrong and they don't want you to know about it.
* They are embarrassed at what happened.
* They don't want to disappoint you.
* They think you will over-react to the situation.
* If they tell you one part, they will have to tell you everything.
* They feel they can handle anything and are invincible (it won't happen to me).
* If a predator has already been in regular contact with your child the predator may be threatening them that they will come to you and tell you everything your son or daughter has been doing wrong.
* If a predator has already been in regular contact with your child the predator may have already convinced your child that you can not be trusted.

They say timing is everything. These conversations are always tough to start but if you do it as natural as possible it won't be that tough. You may want to schedule some time for a family meeting and talk. If you have more than one child you may want to talk to them separately so you can relay age-appropriate information to each child. My favorite place for uncomfortable conversation is the car. It offers privacy, no interruptions, and with the really uncomfortable parts you don't have to look them in the eye. Of course you need to be careful driving and it isn't appropriate to have the conversation in heavy traffic where you need 100% undivided attention to the road.

To bring the topic up here are some lead-ins:

* A related topic on a TV show or movie.
* After you leave the grocery store, you can talk about something you saw in the tabloid headline while waiting on line.
* Ask them straight out if they have ever run across pornography online.
* Ask if they have a blog or use instant messaging.


Most of all, don't forget to talk WITH your kids, not TO your kids. Conversation is a two-way street with back and forth. Ask, "what do you think?" or "how do you feel about it?". If they are going to feel comfortable coming to in the future, they need to know that it will be a conversation not a lecture (not that lectures don't have a time and a place).

Let them know why you care - that you don't want to see them hurt.

Don't be afraid to say that you don't know.... Always (be) happy to try and figure it out together.

Be honest. If a topic is uncomfortable for you to discuss with your children, say that you feel uncomfortable. Tell them it is OK for them to feel uncomfortable about talking about certain things too. But also explain that these things need to be talked about.

Talk often, so they that these conversations get easier each time."
(Taken from the "Internet Family Fun" Website: http://www.internetfamilyfun.com/internetsafety/talkingwithkids.htm)

I hope that what I have found will be helpful for parents who are visiting my blog site to realize that now is the time to start discussing safe internet usage with their children. I also recommend parents wishing to learn more to check out the "Internet Family Fun" website, as it has got more ideas on tips for parents on how to help prevent children from being cyber-bullied BEFORE it even happens.